Most people assume that at some point in their marriage, the passion will go away, and they’ll have to simply settle for what they have. They assume that the ecstatic love, romance and passion they had at the beginning of their relationships will probably go away. As Kara Oh, in her book Men Made Easy: Guide to Greater Love (Avambre Press, 1999) suggests, it does not have to be this way.
What Makes Men Stay in a Monogamous Relationship?
A story that resonates with many men is this: when a couple first marry, their passion and desire is strong. A man hopes his wife will be the one person who fulfills all his needs and give him the security he craves. Then, when the children arrive, he finds that all of his wife’s attention is devoted to their children. He loves his wife, but finds that she is no longer interested in him. He begins to look elsewhere for that attention and intimacy.
Many women balk at this story, but many do not deny its veracity either. Here is a possible difference between men and women: when a man chooses to have sex with someone other than his partner, it does not necessarily mean that he chooses this other woman over his partner. It is the opposite for many women: as Kara Oh says, “men instinctively know that women’s hearts are connected to sex, so it hurts them deeply when their partners cheat.”
As such, the advice given to many women is that to ensure their relationship stays monogamous is to accept, understand and appreciate their partner. Don’t try to change him, but be enthusiastic when the time comes to be intimate.
How Does a Woman Show Her Enthusiasm?
But what does enthusiasm mean? The initial step should be for the couple to determine what is comfortable for both of them. Set the boundaries and try to be more open, willing, spontaneous and eager to try new things. Nothing should be an obligation as this instantly demerits the whole process and makes what could be an enjoyable experience awful.
One of the things that Kara Oh suggests is to take things out of the bedroom. This does not mean having sex outside the bedroom. Instead, it could mean something as simple as flirting or communicating in a sexy way. The fact of the matter is that the more physical, exciting and interesting a relationship is, the more the man will think about his partner.
The Issue of Trust in Marriage
For many men, when they do get married, they feel the pressure of having to go on dates and find someone to have sex with has been lifted off their shoulders. Instead, they turn to a partner whom they trust, love and can have satisfying sex with. What a woman should try to understand is that she should encourage this trust for her and learn to trust him as well. A man is unlikely to violate the vows to remain monogamous when he feels this mutual trust and respect.
Ultimately, when a relationship is built on trust, it is much easier for couples to show their enthusiasm for each other. Without doubt, when the magic of their relationship is maintained, it becomes a monogamous relationship.